1 month post-op!

Wow, it's been a month since surgery!

On some levels it's hard to believe it's only been a month. On others it's hard to believe it's already been a month.

So far it certainly hasn't been easy. I'm still working on getting down a good routine and getting in everything that I'm supposed to be. Some days it's hard with running around with the kids and taking care of them it's easy to forget about me. Which I know is something I need to work on.

This past month has been a roller coaster of emotions. Some days have been great, some days I feel like it's the worst decision ever. When you lose weight, estrogen is released from the fat...so that doesn't help the feelings!

Lately I've developed a gagging issue. Tastes, smells, and even thoughts of some food/drinks can bring it on. Not sure what is going on because I've never been one to gag before. Someone told me about now is when the pouch starts to wake up and can be really sensitive.

Getting in my protein is a struggle. I've always been very sensitive to texture and smell. Well, the protein powders down right stink! I read a suggestion today to put it in a sippy cup so you can't smell it. I haven't tried it yet, will have to give it a whirl.

With the cooler weather trying to make an appearance, soups will be more popular in the house. So hopefully it'll be easier for me to get more in that way. I can mix the unflavored protein in with my serving of it.

The Dr's highly recommend getting a medical alert bracelet. I can no longer have a NG Tube unless they don't do it blind and also no NSAIDs (aspirin and the like). Today I finally got around to ordering one from Lauren's Hope, thanks to Mom and Dad! I wanted something that will go with everything and look nice. So I decided on a mother's bracelet:

(obviously will have Landon and Logan on it :P )

On the back wrist part there will the the med alert tag. On it it'll have engraved my name, Gastric Bypass, no blind NG tube, no NSAIDS, and Dan's cell number.

It should be arriving early to mid next week. I can't wait! Just worries me that now I cannot have certain things is of course the day some idiot is going to plow into my car or something crazy will happen. So I'll feel better having this to wear.

The scale is showing -36. I have my next Dr appt on Nov 5th, I think their scale shows a few more pounds gone. I didn't weigh on our scale until after surgery and I think that I lost about 4lbs on the pre-op liquid diet.

I've started swallowing some pills. Like the Pepcid, it's a little one. So far no problems there.

I still have a long way to go, but am working on it. It's going to be a work in process for a while, but at least it's in process instead of still thinking about it stage.

Right now I have some Fage (Greek yogurt) straining. Then am going to add some sugar free cheesecake jello mix to it. Apparently it tastes like the real thing, just with 17g of protein in 6oz!

338 days

It has been 338 days since the last time I used WiiFit. Yes, three hundred and thirty-eight. Almost a year!

While L2 napped, L1 and I decided to work out. L1 stood next to me and did what I did and loved it.

Since I last used WiiFit, I've lost 24lbs. I've lost 34 since surgery, so somewhere in between I had gained 10lbs.

It wore me out! We did some running, hula hooping, soccer ball heading, tight rope walking, step aerobics, and some other things. It's the first time since surgery I've really done anything other than walking, and I'm already feeling it. Pretty pathetic when I come to think about it.

I feel like I'm coming into a stall. I haven't lost but .8 over the past 2 or 3 days (I can't remember really which it is). I've really been pushing the fluids lately, I think that is a part of it. Our scale also tells the body fat % and the hydration %. My body fat # has dropped and hydration # has gone up.

Anyways, I didn't do a ton today--but it's a start!

Realization

Today I finally began watching Season 8 of The Biggest Loser. Just haven't had time! While the boys napped I watched episode 1 and while Dan was studying I watched episode 2.

During the weigh-ins the females are in a sports bra and spandex shorts. Can't hide anything like that! I looked at one of the contestants and thought, "How do I weigh so much more than her? We look about the same? She must be a bit shorter." I looked it up on the website, she's only 2" shorter than me. That's not going to make a giant difference.

Then I realized...I WEIGH LESS THAN HER!!!! In my mind I'm still where I started. I probably weigh too often, so I see the new numbers plenty...but it hasn't sunk in yet. I guess I need to start recognizing who I am now and who I am becoming instead of who I used to be.

Must.....eat.....slowly

Ugh.

Had some chicken tonight for dinner.

Threw some chicken up tonight.

I think when I sit down with everyone it's harder for me to eat slowly. I'm so used to scarfing food down then having to deal with the boys, it's a hard habit to break.

I think I ate too quickly, and maybe a little too much. Good thing is since my pouch doesn't create any juices it tastes the same coming up as it does going down. haha. Gross I know!

For lunch today (the boys were napping, yahoooo!), I'd take a bite then walk a lap around the house. Come back take another bite and do another lap.

I think part of my slow eating issue is temperature. As Dan will testify, I'm a bit nutty about food temps. We'll go out to eat and he'll ask how something is and usually instead of saying good/bad I'll say hot/cold. He's hassled me about this since we were first dating. Well now anything I eat won't be the right temperature by the time I'm done!

*sigh* one of these days (soon I hope) I'll learn and get it all down pat!

25% down!

As of this morning, I have lost 25% of what I need to lose to get to "goal."

I've said it before, but I'm not going to let a goal just be a number. When I say my goal, for now I'm talking about a weight that I used to be happy with. But I've gotten older and 2 kids have wrecked havoc on me so who knows what it'll actually end up being.

I'm losing right about a pound per day right now. I know I'll probably hit a stall soon which is going to be disappointing, hopefully it won't last too long!

Pita pizza

I usually do all the grocery shopping at the commissary. A few days ago I needed to pick up a few thing they didn't have (like Fage Greek yogurt) so I went to Publix. The boys were with me and it was lunch time. We swung by the bakery so they could get their free cookie then on to the deli. They were putting out fresh chicken tenders so we got a few. I ate a few bites of one and the boys devoured some (once they cooled down, which took a while). While we were over there I spotted mini pitas. I decided to get a bag. When I did Weight Watchers one of my fave things to eat was a pita stuffed with pizza sauce and mozzarella. Or sometimes the sauce and cheese went on top. Then bake it about 10 min and you have deliciousness! I thought the boys might like the mini pitas and it would be an easy lunch for them. Today I decided to make one for myself. It was yummy! Cold by the time I finished since I'm supposed to take 20 min to eat a meal, but still great. It was also nice to be able to finish everything on my plate! Even though I measure food out to what I should be eating a lot of times I can't finish. Being able to finish, even though it was a small amount, felt good.

And the scale says........ -30! I know it'll slow down or stall soon, but this is going to great while it lasts!


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BBQ Bliss

I heart BBQ.

Good BBQ that is.

I'm talking fall off the bone in awesome sauce BBQ. Sonny's BBQ. Famous Dave's BBQ. None of that Carolina crap though! *gag*

Before WLS one of my "last meals" was at Sonny's BBQ. I savored every bite thinking the sauce would have way too much sugar in it. Later I realized we have some jars of Sonny's sauce at home, so I checked out the nutrition labels.

SCORE!!!!

The mild sauce has only 4g sugar in a 2 Tbl serving.

Today for lunch I had some deli meat dipped in a little of the sauce. Right now I'm enjoying a baked chicken breast covered in sauce. Err, make that 1/4 of a breast. I'm typing this while eating so I don't eat so fast!

I'm so glad I can still have BBQ. Maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel...

That wasn't fun :(

***gross alert! Don't read if you're easily grossed out***




I just experienced my 1st post-op puke. I think I ate lunch too fast. Still trying to get into the slow eating routine. I started to not feel well so I lay down. My chest was tight, almost like a weird kind of heart burn. Then my mouth was just filling with saliva. Before I knew it I was throwing up. I swear my kids threw up more at a time when they were infants and had GERD! It was such a tiny amount. At the end there was a litte blood. So I called the dr office just to see what they said. I talked to a nurse and she said not to worry about it unless it happens again. I thought that would be the case but wanted to make sure. I'm going to rest now, gnight!


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Tough Day

L1 has been sick for a while and has had contact with 2 cases of confirmed H1N1 (1 at school, 1 in soccer). So I decided to take him in today.

What I anticipated being a 30min visit turned into a several hour one. Tests, x-rays, and a slew of medications. Sixth Disease, asthma, eczema (which we knew about, just rare it flares up), respiratory infection, and on and on it seemed. It was after noon by the time we got out of there. L1 was AWESOME during everything. We haven't been going to fast food places much the past month or 2, but I decided since he handled everything like such a champ I'd treat him to lunch. He actually picked Burger King over McD's! Shocking for him. It was SO hard not to order myself a giant Coke, burger, and fries. Then sitting waiting on his food the smells just flowed from the restaurant into my car.

We came home and had a long afternoon getting set up with new meds and machines for L1. He didn't nap, too hyper from the drugs. There was a fire safety night going on so we decided to walk over to the park and check it out. The boys had a BLAST! Came home super sweaty and with lots of goodies. This is where my other challenge of the day was. There was free food. Hotdogs, burgers, and sodas. Nothing I can have. It smelled so good. Heck, I think most things smell good to me now. Just knowing I can't have them in a way makes me want them so much more.

I feel better now though. We just put the boys to bed and L1 asked me to stay with him a few minutes. L1 told me I was getting very small. I asked what he meant. He said "you ate and got a lot of weight. Now the weight is just leaving you. I don't know how, but it is." My 3 year old sees a difference already, that certainly put a smile on my face!!!



(If you want to read more about L1's ordeal I recently started a new family blog http://www.talkinaboutmyboys.blogspot.com/ )

Freedom!!!

I was freed today!!!!

Ok, well....I drove. They told me as soon as I was off of pain meds I could drive, so technically I believe it was last Weds the last time I had any. I headed to Kmart (kidless!) to check out their toy clearance, they are doing the 50% off clearance prices again. A few months ago I got some awesome deals and L1 is set for Christmas and his bday minus a few stocking stuffers. L2 still needs some things from us though. Anyways, it was so nice to be out and about again. I stopped at CVS on the way home and picked up more meds for L1 to help fight off this bug. No fever yet, just a nasty cough and sore throat. Still crossing my fingers it doesn't hit me!

Off to find something to eat for dinner. Protein anyone?

Old Posts

For some reason I am unable to copy/paste my posts from the original blog to this one...so here are the links to the old posts. These are the ones I feel are the most informative/important. Of course you can still read all the other by navigating the blog.


1st post/explanation of name and my journey so far

A little education about RNY

My coming out

Q&A session

Pre-op class

That should get anyone caught up to speed up unto the start of this blog.

Monday 10.05.09

Tomorrow I will be 2 weeks post-op!

I am feeling a little better everyday. Instead of wanting to sleep constantly, I can't even sleep when I want to--go figure.

The scale numbers continue to dwindle. I meant to take measurements of myself before surgery but never did. I think I will tomorrow and just mark them down as being 2 weeks out. Then remeasure in a month. Then maybe I'll be able to tell more of a difference than just looking in the mirror.

I'm so fortunate that we have Tricare insurance! Last night I was curious to see if my hospital claim had been sumbitted and what the amount was for. All of that information is available through my account with them online. The claim had been submitted (and paid)--grand total for the surgery/hospital stay was $41,180.00. *gulp* Thank goodness we don't have to pay a cent of it! It's amazing how little Tricare actually pays out though. For that bill they paid $7,382.51. Then there are other instances when for a Dr visit it might be $190 and they pay $113 so it's not too far off.

L1 is pretty sick and I've been hoping not to catch it, but yesterday I had a touch of fever so who knows where it could be leading. Today I feel fine though. He's home from school today so hopefully some lazy time and good rest can knock it out.

Saturday L2 fell onto the train table and cut his armpit somehow. He was crying/screaming and running to me so I did what moms do, I picked him up. Ouch! The Dr told me at my 1 wks appt I could pick him up. Said it wouldn't hurt anything the Dr did, just might hurt me. Yep, it did! I'd picked him up before but it was usually when I was sitting so just pulled him up onto my lap or he was passed off to me from someone else holding him.

The nerves are beginning to come back to life it seems. I feel as though my left side is getting stung by a bee a lot. I've been using an ice pack sometimes to help it feel better.

Scale is at -24lbs!

1st trip out and 1st post-op appointment!

Today was a busy day. Well, it doesn't sound busy--but for me it was!

The morning began with a trip to Tar-jay. I haven't been out in civilization for a while! ha! It was fun...then it was just down right frustrating. The main purpose of the trip was not only to get out of the house for a bit, but to get a few new Halloween decorations. The boys picked out a dancing/singing ghost {rather annoying I must insert here}, a few sheets of window clings, and a light up flag for outside. We also managed to come up with a Bumblebee costume (Transformers character) for Landon. I felt fine walking around. It was the most walking I've done since the surgery. As we were leaving the Halloween section, we ran into the aisles and aisles full of candy. Then the other food. The soda. It really was a bit overwhelming for me to be in there. I just looked and felt like I was surrounded by things that I CAN'T have. Well, I can...if I then want to run to the bathroom and feel awful for a while! The aisle full of Coke was so tempting. Just 1 sip. I wanted one so bad. The first time I've craved it and really missed not having it. Even though Dan has drank soda around me, it wasn't my kind, so it didn't bother me. Then all the Halloween candy (and candy in general). Made me miss the days of sitting on the couch with Nina in Cape Cod. We'd have a huge bowl of candy and snack our way through it...while watching The Biggest Loser on TV! It really was tough being in there, and I know grocery shopping will be tough at first too. Heck, it was even as a pre-op. I'd keep thinking of the things I wouldn't be able to have. But now it's a reality. Target has a neat thing that I recently discovered. If the kids are in the cart and buckled when they come through check-out, they will give them a special sticker. Then go to the food part and they can get a free cookie or popcorn! My boys always pick the popcorn though, yay! So we were up there a few minutes and I saw the Pizza Hut personal pizzas, cookies, ICEEs, etc just starting at me. I know I made the right choice to have surgery, and I chose the one I did because I can't cheat, but gosh that trip to Target really made me want to be able to cheat or go back! I know I'll get over that bump though.

We made it home and I tried to take a snooze, but the new ghost in our house made it impossible. At least the boys love to dance to it. Soon it was time to head to Pensacola to Dr Friedman's office. Their scale agreed with mine, down 17 pounds since surgery! Which means I'm down 21 total! I see the numbers, but it almost doesn't seem real. I still feel the same. I think I pretty much look the same. My clothes still fit the same. That loss has happened so fast it almost doesn't seem real. I'm thinking that maybe once I have to size down in clothing it'll begin to sink in--and I can't wait until then!

Dr said everything is looking good. My incisions are healing nicely and quickly, but usually my boo-boos do. I was given permission to lift Logan. They way they put it was it won't hurt anything the Dr did, but it might hurt me! I don't think I'm quite ready to give it a try. I'm still feeling a bit sore on my left side and don't want to pull anything anymore than it already feels like is happening. Mom went with me while Dan stayed at home with the boys. She had several questions and I think she feels a lot better now she talked to them and has some things cleared up. On the way home we stopped at Max Muscle and picked up a few more RTD OhYeah!s.

We also picked up dinner on the way home. Pizza! And yes, I ate it. Did I just hear you all gasp in unison!? Well...part of it I did. I had some of the cheese (ordered x-tra cheese so it was thick) and sausage off the top. Landon helped out and ate 3 slices on his own! And once I thought this surgery was going to lower my grocery bill, looks like he won't be letting that happen!

Now this day is coming to an end and I'm glad. I actually feel worn out whereas the past few days I was wired and couldn't sleep.

Grazing head hunger

I think a big part of what got me to be "morbidly obese" {yikes, did I really just write that about ME?!?} is the grazing. The eating when not hungry. The eatinv when bored. The kind of eating you do without thinking about it. Just a few minutes ago i found myself in font of an open frige. "hmm...maybe I should try some of that chicken noodle soup I made. Or go for that jell-o, afterall it does have the tasteless protein powder mixed in and I could use more protein for the day. Ugh no. I don't need to eat, I'm not hungry!" then I walked away *pats self on back*

At night, once the munchkins are snug in bed, the hubs and I usually take a seat on the couch. No matter if dinner was 1hr or 4hrs prior, we'd both make a stop in the pantry or frige for a snack first. Then turn on the TV, and thanks to the wonderful world of DVRs, be able to watch our favorite shows...snack in hand. No, we weren't hungry. We didn't need food. But we did it anyways. And it's a hard habit to break. Maybe tomorrow I'll grab my protein shake instead.

My biggest battle has always been the night time. I can diet well all day, then come night time forget it. 'Please pass the cookies! What...we are out? I'll make some new ones then!' Its ridiculous really. I know the nights will continue to be my battle. See, during the day I can do something else. Take the kids outside, run errands, etc. But at night I'm stuck in the house.

So how can I reverse this behavior?

Self control is going to be the biggest factor. Getting the hubs on board will be another help. And with weigh-ins the end of Oct he could use some help in that area too ;) I also think I'm going to start getting to bed earlier. It's rare the boys sleep past 6, 6:30 on lucky days. I don't get enough sleep when I'm not hitting the sheets until midnight or later. If I'm not awake, I can't eat! Well, I have been known to sleep walk a few times...but that was like 18 yrs ago or so!

And with that, I'm off to dream land. Hopefully it'll be dreams of the scale numbers continuing to drop off. -17 as of tonight!


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