The Shrinking Machine

GGGOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

2010-07-28T15:41:00.000-05:00

So I've gotten behind here.

It's been 10 months.

125.7 pounds

Never going back!

I am now at my goal!! My surgeon's goal is another 25 but I'm not sure if I'm going to get there. At least not until I have some plastics done (if I go that route that is!).

We moved from FL-TX, along the move the hubs and I snuck away kid-free on a week long Caribbean cruise. I managed to lose even on a cruise! Only 1.5 but hey, not shabby!

We've been in TX a month now and it was a rocky start. I've already had surgery since getting here...gallstones, UGH. Painful suckers. Had my gallbladder removed on July 16th and am AMAZED at how much better I feel all around! It was affecting little things that I didn't even realize were gallbladder related (right shoulder pain? check. pain in the middle of my back? check). Now I'm mended and feel super!

However, part of that super feeling could totally be the fact that I've lost like a little adult off my size!

Here are my before/current pics. The befores were literally right before surgery, as in we were about the walk out the door, it was 4am and I was crabby. So not looking my best but oh well.

Without further hesitation...here goes nothin'...

So there you have it, the "new" me. I'm SO happy I decided to have WLS and would do it over again if time was turned back. Yes the start was rough and I hated it, but that was short lived and LOVE my little pouch now!

Non-scale victories

2010-04-22T16:11:00.000-05:00

We live in military housing and had a few issues. When one toilet would flush it would suck everything out from the other one. Both bathroom sinks were backed up. Over the weekend ours had standing water in it, so the hubs broke out the plunger to use on it. Next thing I knew I was hearing sloshing in the kiddo's bathroom. Walk in there to see water coming up through the drain. Ew. So Monday morning I called maintenance and put in a work order. I also mentioned that my oven would randomly shut itself off when it was cooking and I wouldn't know it until the timer went off. So they came out and fixed the pipes. They said they would be back after lunch to put in a new oven. When they came back I had gone to pick up L1 from school but Dan was home. One of the mx guys said at first he thought I was my sister visiting from out of town or something because I've lost so much weight! Then they gave me a brand spankin' new oven-score!

Last week Dan got a new truck, much needed! We went ahead and bought car seats to put in his truck. Before we didn't take his vehicle anywhere, but now we will be using it some instead of mine all the time. The new seats were delivered today and we installed them. While I was in the back trying to do the tether I looked at Dan and said, "Gosh-I couldn't have done this 100 pounds ago that's for sure!" It was a pretty cramped fit trying to climb on top of them to tighten the anchors then put the tethers in correctly and get them tightened up too.

I'd write more but a certain cranky 2 year old is refusing to vacate my lap making it difficult!

6 month post-op appointment

2010-04-12T10:47:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting in my bariatric surgeons office as I write. I just saw my doc and am waiting to see the nut.

He is very happy with my loss so far. He said 100 (actually 103!) in 6 months is amazing and I am doing great. I asked if I was about the track he would have projected and he said I'm doing better than expected and of I didn't lose any more I would still be considered a success by the stats.

I have to get some blood work done. It is fasting and I had some Tylenol and a swig of water this morning so I'm not sure if I can do it now or wait. I'd rather just get it done with--Landon is in school and Logan is in daycare--so this way I wouldn't have to worry about them.

I am happy I had RNY. A few months ago I wasn't (although I'd put on the face that I was). It certainly hasn't been easy like so many people think. Here's to the next 6 months and beyond!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

101

2010-04-07T14:35:00.000-05:00

101

No, not 101 like English 101 as a freshman.

101 as in 101 pounds lost.

I'm still in a bit of disbelief over it. Did the scale lie to me this morning? Not sure. I was too afraid to get off and back on to check.

I felt like I was stuck at 99 forever. Day after day, the same numbers stared back at me. Then all the sudden it dropped to 100. Then not even 24 hours later it was at 101. Hallelujah!

I looked back at my "before" pic today. The one that the hubs took right before we walked out of the door to the hospital. It wasn't a great pic of me to begin with, but what would you expect from me at 4am!? But it really shows me how far I've come compared to pics taken of me last week.

I'm still struggling about thinking about the future, not the past. I know I've written about it before. Still though, I see my old pics or think of my weight loss as 2 Logan's and 1 Landon and it is about nauseating. I just never saw myself that big. I didn't feel that big.

Crazy thing is now I'm not hiding from the camera or avoiding posting any pics of me on places like Facebook.

I haven't done my measurements yet for my 6 month mark, might just wait until 7 since I'm a little behind already. I have my 6 month post-op with my surgeon on Monday. I'm hoping he is pleased with my results like I am!

Soon I'm going to need to get a replacement rock for my finger. My engagement and wedding rings are just falling off. I don't want to pay to get them re-sized just yet as I'm hoping to continue to lose for a little bit longer. Now they hang up on the hook where my keys go so I slip them on before walking out the door.

It is a bit overwhelming being in "normal" sized clothing. Before only 2 handfuls made clothes in my size of which I'd buy from maybe half a handful. Most of my clothes came from 2 stores. Now I can walk into Macy's and buy just about anything. Almost any store in the mall I can shop at, except the ones where I used to shop at. I recently bought a dress for a ball the hubs and I will be attending in a few weeks. I didn't even know where to begin looking! I'd much rather have this "problem" then that extra 101 back though.

My hair loss has slowed way down, hooray! I'll just say I was thinning it out for the hot summer months. Oh...we're moving to Texas this summer! So I should say hot, hot, hot summer months!

I can't remember if I posted about us moving--we found out the end of February. This means I won't have my 1 year post-op with my surgeon but will have to find a new one who will accept another Dr's patient. Apparently some are hesitant to do so, but I'm hoping since I'm looking for a new one due to a military move they would be more willing.

So that is what has been going on in my corner of the world. About 24 more until my personal goal, here's to that!

twenty.six

2010-03-03T16:34:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeeeee.

I am 26 today!

My goal was to be down 95lbs today, but instead I am at 92. Which means I'll probably hit 95 tomorrow. Ok, not really because I'm not going to drop 3lbs in one night--but it seems lately if I miss a goal then just a day or 2 later I hit it. Even though I'm not where I had envisioned in my mind, it is close enough!

My parents will be coming this weekend to celebrate, and my mom will have her famous strawberry cake with strawberry icing for me. YUM! I can't wait to have my 3 bites of it.

Tonight we're going to grill steaks out because the weather is nice, hurray protein!

5 months, 89lbs

2010-02-22T19:50:00.000-06:00

Wow. 5 months post-op today!

It is pretty amazing at how much has changed in the last 5 months. I have lost 89 pounds that I will never find again, thanks goodness!

The weather is trying to warm up. Once it does that will give me a lot more motivation to get outside and on the move. It has been unusually cold here in Florida this winter, we even saw some snow!

My birthday is next week. For years my mom has always made me a strawberry cake with strawberry icing. I loved putting a plop (or 2...or 3) of vanilla ice cream in a bowl with the cake and mixing it all together. I think I just salivated a little thinking of it. So earlier today Mom asked if I wanted a cake (my folks are coming up the following weekend). Of course I do!!! I won't eat much, just a few bites though. I'm sure many post-ops would freak at the thought of eating a few bites of cake, but I'm not going to deprive myself of something. I think a lot of times when someone is totally deprived of something (sugar, sweets, carbs, or whatever) when they have some (which inevitably happens somehow), it is almost as though they can't control themselves and over indulge.

My hair is still falling out, which is depressing. I can feel that it is a little thinner but not too much. It always looks like a lot sitting on the shower drain but I know in reality it is just a handful of hairs all bent and folded so it looks like more. I hope it slows down and stops soon. Some people it takes about a year. Some people don't have it happen at all. So there really isn't any way of telling when my magical end time could be.

I'll be headed back to Dr. F. next month for my 6 month mark. It will probably be my last visit with him. We will find out on Wednesday if the hubs will be getting transferred to Texas to finish flight school or if he will be finishing out here. All signs are pointing Texas at this time.

Mixed emotions

2010-02-08T23:42:00.001-06:00

Tonight on my way to the shower I noticed my bin of "clothes that someday I'll fit into again." So I decided to bring it back and give them a shot.

About half of them were too big :O I could fit into 2 dresses I know I wore the summer I was 16, I think one I even had when I was 14--I remember wearing it to church at summer camp. Can't say they looked the best, but they fit! They just don't fit a well endowed woman!

So that led me to go through my dresser. Only half of the drawers now have anything in them. Then on to the closet where I now have at least 2 times the amount of empty hangers compared to the ones with anything on them.

The hubs was in there while I tried some things on. Like a pair of shorts I knew was going to be too big, I wore them at my heaviest. I felt like Jared in a Subway commercial...being able to pull out a large section to the side. The hubs said, "That must make you feel good!" Well, I am mixed on that. Yes it's awesome that they are so big and literally falling of......but, at the same time it makes me sad. Disgusts me that I was ever that large to being with.

I wonder how I could have allowed myself to get so big. I think honestly I did realize just how large, ok--OBESE--there I said it, that I has gotten. Because of my age the weight wasn't holding me back too much. Because it went on slowly {although steadily} I didn't notice it as much.

This past week for my 4 year old's pre-school class they asked us to bring in a family picture. We tried to take on at my 2 year old's birthday party last weekend, but I had 2 little ones who weren't too keen on the idea of cooperation. So I was stuck looking for an old one. I ended up using one from Thanksgiving. I remember then people saying how good I looked, etc. Now I look back on those pics and I look so big compared to where I am at now! Especially the face.

It's only been 4.5 months now...and I've lost 84 pounds. Lately I go in a spurt where I'll lose a pound a day for a few days then zilch for a week. The good news is it is still coming off even if it is slow!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

4 months musings

2010-01-23T20:10:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was my 4 month surgiversary. The months seem to pass more rapidly now.

As of this morning, I was .2 away from my goal for 4 months. Which means I have lost 79lbs! Although I'm bummed I didn't reach my goal--I am pretty darn close and happy that I did come so close.

I forgot to take my measurements at 3 months, so these numbers are 2 months worth of loss. I lost the most in my waist (4.5"), hips (4"), bust (3.25"), right thigh (2.5"--left came in at 1.5" but was smaller to begin with), and right bicep (2"--left was 1.25" but again smaller to begin with). It's really amazing to look at the inches as the continue to fall off. I never measure before surgery and began at 1 month out, I'm certain in that first month I lost some even though it didn't feel like it.

I've always been that girl with a pretty face. The saying always bothered me. Maybe it was because it pretty much said the rest of me wasn't pretty, or maybe it was because I didn't believe it. I suck at accepting compliments. Now though, at almost 80lbs less that my highest, I'm beginning to accept them and believe them myself. I think this realization hit one night when the hubs said something and I didn't argue with him on it...it took him by surprise, I think he had a comeback ready to try to prove to me that I did look good, and when he pointed it out to me that I didn't deny it it was an ah-ha moment.

Last weekend I went to the outlet mall in Foley, AL. At GAP I pulled down a pair of jeans and shirt and tried them on. They fit---and weren't even the biggest size that the store carries! I still feel weird shopping for myself in GAP though. Before I always felt like if I went in there for the hubs people would want to know why the fat chick was going in there, not like she can really wear anything. But now not only do I fit, but I'm not their biggest sizes either. That was a good feeling.

Losing {almost} 80 pounds isn't all glorious though either.

A few weeks ago my hair began to fall out. This is a normal thing to happen about 3-6 months post-op (sometimes longer). It is also one of the things about this surgery I have dreaded the most. I have a massive amount of hair, and it is thick too. Even 10 years ago in high school I would lose a lot of hair. At one point my mom took me to my Dr about it and they couldn't explain it either. So with my tons of hair and my tendency to shed a bit, I dreaded this part. It can be down right depressing to brush your hair and see it come out. Or take a shower and have to clean out the drain when you're done because hair is just stacked on top of it. So, I took an afternoon to myself (rare!), and got my hair cut. I figure even if the same amount of strands are coming out it'll look like less if it is a few inches shorter. I told my hair dresser if when washing my hair a lot came out, not to be alarmed. He asked if I had been under a lot of stress or had surgery recently. I told him surgery. He went on to tell me how he had surgery last year and lost a lot of his as well. Anesthesia can cause you to lose hair. With WLS not only do you have anesthesia working against you but also your body goes into starvation mode and begins to pull everything it would normally put in your hair and using it other places in your body. Then it works itself out of a funk and the hair gets attention again. When he was almost done with my hair he commented on how nice my hair is. 2 other hair dressers were sitting at their stations nearby and chimed in on how much I have and how great my hair looked. I couldn't help but laugh to myself and think what they would have said about the amount of my hair before!

We had L1's 4th birthday party 2 weeks ago. I didn't even have a bite of cake, much less a slice or 2. Sure there are times I want sweets, but it's not as often as it was before. There is even cake still left over from that party. Guess we should toss it out being L2's birthday is next weekend!

Before I had in my mind I wanted to hit -100lbs by my birthday (March 3rd), but I don't think that is going to happen now. The melting has slowed way down and another 21lbs I don't feel like is going to happen in 5.5 weeks. So I'm going to aim for -94lbs which will be 15 more than I'm at now.

Happy New Year...

2010-01-05T14:01:00.000-06:00

...a bit late :X

Wow, I cannot believe it is already 2010! Seems like just yesterday the world was freaking out about Y2K--can it really be 10 years later now?!

My family was very blessed in 2009. The hubs finally got the chance to pursue his dream job and I'm on the way to my ideal me. I hope 2010 is just as good!

Right now I'm holding steady at 72 pounds lost. The scale hasn't moved in about a week which is discouraging. BUT--it is expected. Many people who have had RNY stall every few weeks. During that time it is typical to not lose pounds, but inches. I may have gone over this before when I hit a stall earlier so excuse my repeating if that is the case.

Still, 72lbs in 3 months--that's freakin' awesome if I may say so myself! I am finally beginning to see it in myself and the difference. I cleaned out my closet recently and was left with hardly anything to wear that actually fit and wasn't just falling off me. For Christmas I was given several gift cards to Old Navy/Gap (thanks to my folks, sister in-law, and my bro/sil!). So, I've done some shopping!

We were in Tallahassee right after Christmas for a night and hit up the Old Navy there. I found 3 shirts for $3.99 each! Score! A few days ago I also placed 2 different orders from ON online, which were just delivered about an hour ago. I did it in 2 orders for coupon purposes. Used a $10 off $50 purchase on each went through Bing Cashback for another 25% off and got free shipping because I had a few $ left over to pay that I put on my Gap card, score! Here is what I got from my online orders:plan to return these first 2, color just isn't the same in real life and I don't care for it on me

So for all of those I only spent $73.10! Easy math--about $7/shirt! Plus I'll be taking 2 of them back.

I'm pretty happy with them. Once nice thing about ON online is they carry tall sizes. Yes, me at 5'8" ordering talls...don't scratch your head or wrinkle your nose too much. I was "blessed" with short legs so my height all comes from my torso. I don't think anyone (except maybe Eddie Bauer?) makes plus sized tall shirts. So now I can order a shirt in tall and know it'll fit (if not be too big ha) and know that I won't have to keep pulling it down or worry about the dryer shrinking it.

Remember back before I had surgery where I had bought some smaller clothes? Well they all fit now and I've even out shrunk (ha!) some of them.

I'm set for shirts now for a few months (assuming my weight loss slows a little now I'm getting farther out). Before long I'll need new bottoms--and hopefully by then it will have warmed up some and it can be shorts!

Speaking of warming up...I'm constantly cold now! It doesn't help that it's been absolutely frigid for Florida (in the single digits this morning, what the heck!?)! I'm not convinced the thermostat displays the correct temp though. I mean could I really be comfortable with the heat at 76/77? That's SO not like me. At least not the old fatter me :P

Off to wash those new shirts while the little ones are still napping!

3 months post-op and Christmas in the same week!

2009-12-25T17:45:00.000-06:00

Today is Christmas. It's been a wonderful day, but I'll get there later.

Monday I had my 3 month post-op Dr appointment, the official 3 month mark being on Tuesday. Dr. F. was very happy with my progress so far and says I'm doing great and even ahead of schedule. Not that there is really a schedule, everyone's body is different in how they lose, but they go off an average baseline for it. I have to bring the monsters. Err...my precious children. Really they behaved decently, sometimes it's hard to remember they are only 1 and 3 (for now) so I can't expect them to be perfect.

Today is Christmas, so if you're reading it today--Merry Christmas! We have stayed at home instead of traveling. It was actually a decision we had made when I was still pregnant with L1 that we would do Christmas at home with kids. So there weren't a ton of temptations around this week like there usually are at Christmas gatherings. Sure we baked cookies for Santa. Almost 3 weeks ago now I had a cookie exchange and guess what....we still have cookies left over from that! Although I can eat a few and it doesn't bother me, I just don't have the desire too. L1 & L2 both got 4-wheelers for Christmas. This afternoon L1 tested his out. At one point he wouldn't turn around (in his defense they are super noisy on the sidewalk/road and he couldn't hear me), so I had to run after him. It's the first time in a while I've run more than the length of the house much less a bit of a distance (ok not like super far, but down the street around the corner kind of far). I was surprised that it didn't bother me at all to do it. When it warms up a little I think I'll put the trail around the neighborhood to use for jogging instead of just walking.

In my mind I had set a goal to be down 70 by Christmas. Well when you have 2 little boys anxious to see what Santa has brought, you don't get a chance to step on the scale right away. So I didn't weigh until after breakfast and lunch and was .8 lbs from my goal. So if I haven't made it, I'm pretty close.

That ham smells like it's about done, so I'm off to the kitchen to finish up and enjoy a wonderful Christmas dinner with my 2 little ones and the hubs.

The Closet

2009-12-13T11:13:00.000-06:00

My closet overfloweth.

It would be simple to weed through my closet and get rid of the many items that are too big. I've finally hit a point where I'll put on one of my favorite go-to shirts and it just doesn't look good at all, it's too big. So I've began slowly buying a few things here and there. This time of year I can still find some clearance on short sleeve things which has been great for the wallet lightening factor. I finally bought a 2nd pair of new jeans this week, I was tired of constantly pulling up the old ones and well--they were just getting too baggy and didn't look good on at all!

I need to clean out my closet. Get rid of everything I've out-shrunk. Problem is I'm having a hard time doing it. When you're big, you get used to having a week here or there that you might feel smaller or things fit a little differently. Maybe you've lost a few pounds and not even realized. Then you're also used to the weight coming right back on (at least, that's how it always was for me). I guess a part of me feels like someday I'm going to be as big as I was. That the weight loss is too good to be true, so I shouldn't get rid of the clothes because someday I'll be wearing that size again. I'm not going to let that ever happen, but there is still that feeling in the back of my head!

Maybe I'll get around to it today. You never know with me. Last night my little one was up during the night and I wound up cleaning our bathroom at 3am. Maybe tonight it'll be the closet, ha!

Dec 6th update

2009-12-06T17:25:00.000-06:00

Hard to believe it's been almost 2.5 months since my surgery!

I am down 57lbs as of today!

Friday night the hubs was flying all night so the boys and I ventured to the mall. First time we've been in quite some time! I was on a mission for PJs for them (and was successful). On the way out we passed Old Navy. They had big signs up "extra 30% off womens clearance." So we cruised in, I can't pass up a deal!

I ended up coming out with 2 shirts. One of them was only $1.88! Another was $6-something. I got then extra 30% off plus from the 1st-4th of the month they give military another 10% off. Score!

It was nice to be able to walk into a store and know what I picked up would fit. They did--maybe even a smidge big in places :)

I really need some new jeans, but in a way don't want to buy them. #1 because I was about to buy some on Black Friday and the size I wanted sold out before I could hit submit (I went back and forth on it and was too late), #2-because they are more $$ than shirts, and #3 because I don't want to be in the size too long! However, I think I need to break down and get at least 1-2 more pairs (remember I got the 1 pair over Thanksgiving) that fit, the others are just falling down now. Which is a good thing!

Big week!

2009-11-29T19:54:00.000-06:00

Wow, this past week was big--and FUN!

Monday the kiddos and I headed south to my parent's for the week. The hubs had to work and joined us late on Weds night...or maybe it was early Thurs AM.

When I left, my scale said I was at -48. So +2 of what I wanted to be by Thanksgiving. I weighed on my parent's scale, but forgot to until Wednesday--so wasn't sure how their scale and mine compared.

When we got home tonight I weighed, and am now -53!!! That's even at night and I usually weigh first thing in the morning. I don't think there are many people who can lose 5lbs over Thanksgiving week, especially with my Mama's cooking around.

Fri morning we did family pics and there were actually some decent ones of me. I didn't threaten to delete them all like usual. Except the ones that were just me and the bean poles (aka my mom and sis-in-law)...maybe one day I'll be close to them.

Saturday we went to Tampa to see the Miami/USF football game (Go 'Canes!). I had forgotten to do laundry the night before as I had planned so only had 1 clean pair of jeans to wear to the game. I put them on and right away felt like they were going to fall off. The other jeans I had were actually dirty, like stuff on them, not just I wore them the day before so they were dirty from just wearing them. So we left the house early and swung by Macy's. The Macy's in Ocala isn't large--esp the Women's department (can't wait until I'm outta there!). So I crossed my fingers and went in. Grabbed the cheapest pair I could find in 1 size smaller than the norm. Tried them on, wow--there was some room in those too! So I went and grabbed another size smaller, and they fit pretty nicely! When I checked out I think the sales clerk thought I was a little nuts because I asked if it was ok to put them on in the fitting room and wear out. I'm glad I actually tried them on and didn't just grab 1 size down. So these are 2 sizes smaller than several pairs of pants/shorts and even 3 sizes smaller than some things that I have!

I've never been to Raymond James stadium so wasn't sure what the seating was going to be like. Never really paid attention either when watching on TV (the hubs is a Bucs fan so we watch when they are on). Most of my sporting events experience have been college level (or high school of course), with just a handful of events that were either on the pro level or held in a pro stadium. For some reason I just envisioned bleacher like seating. We walk up to our section and I see arm chairs on the seats. The fat girl in me took a sharp breath in. Thinking how uncomfortable I was going to be. I sat down...and the only part of me touching anything was my bottom to the seat and my back to the back of the seat! No sides on the arm rests, no spilling out (gross I know lol). I looked down half-way in shock. There was even space on my sides!

During the week I had a few other "wow" moments. Culligan came and delivered new jugs of water. You know, the giant ones where the water alone weighs 41.75 lbs. Well as I carried them from the side porch to the pantry, I was thinking how heavy it was. Then I said, "WOW...this weighs less that what I've lost so far!" Another time was before we left the football game the hubs, the kiddos, and I went to check out the pirate ship. Of course it was a hike to get there. Then our car was parked on the complete opposite side. L2 ended up on my shoulders for the trek back to the car, and it was wearing me out. Little man is only 28lbs! I've lost almost 2 of him!

So it was a pretty great week for me. I got to see a lot of family, most who haven't seen me since a few months before surgery. It's almost embarrassing to hear the compliments, but feels great at the same time!

2 months post-op today!

2009-11-22T19:58:00.001-06:00

Wow, hard to believe it's already been 2 months!

Since I didn't take measurements before surgery, I began taking them at 1 month out. I just did them again for 2 months out...and I'm shrinking!!!

Every thing I'm tracking lost something.

Biggest loser: HIPS! Down 2.75" this month
1st runner up: chest, down 1.75"
2nd runner up: waist, down 1.5"

Seeing these measurements has made me realize that is really is happening. Even though only a handful of clothes have gotten too big, I know I'm on the way.

Thanksgiving is this week so it should be interesting. A meal notorious for stuffing yourself until you pass out on the couch in front of a football game on TV. I have one bite too much and I'll feel very sick, if I don't actually get physically sick. So I'll keep to my little saucer sized plate and savor the few bites I get to have knowing next month I should see more decreases in measurements!

Listen closely

2009-11-19T23:00:00.001-06:00

Do you hear it?

I did earlier today! The sound of angles singing as the scale beeped and flashed my weight.

FINALLY!!!

The numbers are dwindling again. 2lbs in the last 3 days. It felt so good to see that. I could breathe a sign of relief. Now lets just hope this keeps up.

Stalls are a common part of WLS. I read about the before hand and after. Even though I knew to expect it, it is still hard to accept that it's happening to you. It's hard to grasp how you can burn more calories than you're taking in yet not lose weight. Or at a rate of .2/day. They say this happens because your body goes into starvation mode. I don't get it, but it's not really my field either.

I'm just glad to see the scale moving again. I've read stories about people losing 40lbs and that's it (when they had a lot more to lose). Even though I knew I was doing things right, there's still that nagging thought in the back of your head that this too is going to fail.

For now though, I'm all smiles with what is going on. 4 more lbs until my 1st mini-goal of 50lbs gone forever!

Ugh.

2009-11-15T18:29:00.001-06:00

Ugh.

Just....ugh.

In the past 3 weeks, guess how much weight I've lost?

3 measly pounds. THREE!

In case you are terrible at math, that means one pound per week! What the heck?! I went from losing at least a pound a day to a pound a week.

I knew to expect stalls. They say it's normal. But it's still hard to swallow when you see the numbers on the scale staring back, and they aren't moving.

I guess I should be happy that at least it's 3lbs instead of a big fat goose egg 0.

I wanted to be down 50 by Thanksgiving (according to my scale), I have 6 to go...not sure if I'm going to get there now.

Come on stall, get going and snap out of it!!!

6 week post-op Take 2

2009-11-09T17:34:00.000-06:00

Despite Miss Ida trying to bring her wrath upon us, I was able to get to my 6 week post-op appointment. I was even kid-free doing it *gasp*

I am down 45lbs! Dr. Friedman says I am doing well. He gave me the go-ahead to try to swallow pills. YAHOO!!!! I'm hoping that will make things a lot better for me.

Ok this is short, I'm trying to cook dinner and soon heading out for Bunco with the gals before Ida knocks on our front door.

6 week post-op appointment

2009-11-05T14:20:00.001-06:00

My 6 week post-op appt was supposed to be this afternoon (well, in an hour from now actually). I had to cancel.

The hubs has a flight this afternoon so I was going to bring the munchkins along with me. I put them down for a rest early, and was shocked that L1 didn't protest. He was actually yawning and ready for it. About an hour before I wanted to leave I got L1 up. He can be a crankapotomus when he wakes up so I wanted to give him some time to work that out of his system. I was getting ready and he came back to check on me a few times, see what I was doing, etc. When I was done I came out and he was curled up in the corner of the couch with my quilt on top of him and the pillows surrounding him too. He told me, "Wow Mommy. You look pretty! You look really beautiful." That boy sure knows how to melt his mama's heart. Then he asked for some milk. He followed me into the kitchen wanting to pick out his cup and asked me to pick him up to see them better. He felt pretty warm to me so I wanted to take his temp. 102.5! Eek! No wonder he didn't want to eat all day and was fine with going down for a rest. I called my Dr and rescheduled, it will now be on Monday morning. Good thing about that is, assuming L1 is well, I'll only have to bring L2 with me (L1 will be at school).

Sooo...didn't want to leave you hanging without an update about the appointment as I promised I would update.

The sugar matter

2009-11-04T14:34:00.001-06:00

Every since my surgery, I have been doing really well about having things to eat/drink without sugar or very, very low amount of it.

Well...I was.

And by was, I mean the past few days...not so much. Unfortunately, I think I have made a discovery I didn't want to be true. Well, let me rephrase. Apart of me wanted to be true, but apart of me doesn't.

Some people, for some unknown reasons, after surgery sugar doesn't affect them. They do not have dumping syndrome. I appear to be one of those people.

Now if you get squeamish over bodily functions, hit the back arrow and I'll see ya next time.

Ok, you had your warning!

It had been a few days since I had gone to the bathroom, you know...the #2 kind. We don't have any type of laxatives around, but do have apple juice. So I thought, "hey, I'll take a few swigs of this and see what happens." It was an after thought to check out the sugar. I probably had about 3-4oz of juice. This particular brand has 28g of sugar in 8oz! That means I had just taken in 10-14g of sugar. I kept waiting for the misery to hit. The sweating, stomach pains, bathroom visits...but it didn't come. I was letting the kiddlets snack on some Halloween candy, and I ate a Tootsie Roll. One of those long ones, not a little one. I couldn't find nutrition info online for that size, just the little ones, but my guess would be that had about 10g sugar in it as well. Again, nothing. I wasn't phased.

You may remember my first week or so of being post-op I had a dumping experience with some yogurt. I thought for sure that it was the sugar (although I only had 2 spoon fulls and there was 7g sugar in 4oz serving). Now I'm thinking perhaps it was the little pieces of berries in it. Maybe my pouch was just too tender and fresh to handle that.

Really I'm not sure how to feel about this sugar thing. In a way I'm like, "Yahhooo! I'm not going to be deprived of everything (or seemingly everything) for the rest of my life!!!" Oh the other hand I'm a little annoyed that I even figured it out. Now the temptations are going to be there. I'm afraid knowing this might hinder my weight loss because I won't make the right decisions. Before it was easy to turn down the temptations. Yes, there is a bowl full of candy--but I know if I eat it I'll be sick. Now it's like, yes...there is a bowl full of candy and if I eat it I'll be ok.

The good thing is that even though I can indulge, it can't be much at all. I am still stuffed after 3-4 bites of food.

So this will be another battle to overcome. Actually, not overcome--but stay away from. I've been practically sugar-free for 6 weeks now and am hanging in there.

Tomorrow I have a Dr appt with my surgeon, will update after that on how it goes!

Halloween

2009-11-01T00:18:00.000-05:00

Well, I've basically made it through my first food-frenzied holiday.

Halloween...all about dressing up, having fun, and days of a sugar high.

Friday night we went to a party. It was so hard not to take a bit of a caramel apple or some of the other treats there. Tonight we took the boys trick-or-treating. Which means they came home with gobs of candy and dug in. We also had some left over from what we were giving out. The hubs kept snacking on some once the boys were in bed. Weigh-ins were Thurs and he passed so I guess he was giving himself a pat on the back. Finally I told him to stop! A part of me wants to just taste a Snickers, Skittles, etc, etc. But I know it would lead to me getting sick, which is something I don't want to do.

There is a lot of junk around here right now as a result of Halloween, and I can't wait for it to be gone.

Sometimes it is just so frustrating being so limited by what I can eat. Sure there is plenty that I can, but it seems most of it requires some preparation. I'm so sick of chicken at this point! I really need to sit down with the books I have and get some good recipes out of them. At the same time it's so hard to cook a meal then after 2-3 bites be full.

There are times where I wish I could just have a day off. Let me down a soda, eat a candy bar, heck even just finish a full plate of food! I know in the end the struggles will be worth it, but sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end.

It was a tough week emotionally. The Navy lost a T-34, which is what Dan will begin flying on Monday. The CG lost a C-130 in a collision with a Marine Super Cobra on Thursday night. I've been around aviation long enough to have lost friends in incidents before, but it never makes it easier. There were times I wanted to turn to the half eaten carton of ice cream in the freezer and let my sadness get to me through my stomach, but I couldn't.

It's all still a learning process. On the 5th I have my next post-op appointment. Right now I'm down 43lbs according to my scale, or 47lbs since the liquid diet began. Quickly approaching my first real goal!

Here is a pic of Dan and I on Friday night, proudly rockin' our Gymboree Gymmies!

1 month post-op!

2009-10-22T17:08:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a month since surgery!

On some levels it's hard to believe it's only been a month. On others it's hard to believe it's already been a month.

So far it certainly hasn't been easy. I'm still working on getting down a good routine and getting in everything that I'm supposed to be. Some days it's hard with running around with the kids and taking care of them it's easy to forget about me. Which I know is something I need to work on.

This past month has been a roller coaster of emotions. Some days have been great, some days I feel like it's the worst decision ever. When you lose weight, estrogen is released from the fat...so that doesn't help the feelings!

Lately I've developed a gagging issue. Tastes, smells, and even thoughts of some food/drinks can bring it on. Not sure what is going on because I've never been one to gag before. Someone told me about now is when the pouch starts to wake up and can be really sensitive.

Getting in my protein is a struggle. I've always been very sensitive to texture and smell. Well, the protein powders down right stink! I read a suggestion today to put it in a sippy cup so you can't smell it. I haven't tried it yet, will have to give it a whirl.

With the cooler weather trying to make an appearance, soups will be more popular in the house. So hopefully it'll be easier for me to get more in that way. I can mix the unflavored protein in with my serving of it.

The Dr's highly recommend getting a medical alert bracelet. I can no longer have a NG Tube unless they don't do it blind and also no NSAIDs (aspirin and the like). Today I finally got around to ordering one from Lauren's Hope, thanks to Mom and Dad! I wanted something that will go with everything and look nice. So I decided on a mother's bracelet:

(obviously will have Landon and Logan on it :P )

On the back wrist part there will the the med alert tag. On it it'll have engraved my name, Gastric Bypass, no blind NG tube, no NSAIDS, and Dan's cell number.

It should be arriving early to mid next week. I can't wait! Just worries me that now I cannot have certain things is of course the day some idiot is going to plow into my car or something crazy will happen. So I'll feel better having this to wear.

The scale is showing -36. I have my next Dr appt on Nov 5th, I think their scale shows a few more pounds gone. I didn't weigh on our scale until after surgery and I think that I lost about 4lbs on the pre-op liquid diet.

I've started swallowing some pills. Like the Pepcid, it's a little one. So far no problems there.

I still have a long way to go, but am working on it. It's going to be a work in process for a while, but at least it's in process instead of still thinking about it stage.

Right now I have some Fage (Greek yogurt) straining. Then am going to add some sugar free cheesecake jello mix to it. Apparently it tastes like the real thing, just with 17g of protein in 6oz!

338 days

2009-10-20T14:17:00.000-05:00

It has been 338 days since the last time I used WiiFit. Yes, three hundred and thirty-eight. Almost a year!

While L2 napped, L1 and I decided to work out. L1 stood next to me and did what I did and loved it.

Since I last used WiiFit, I've lost 24lbs. I've lost 34 since surgery, so somewhere in between I had gained 10lbs.

It wore me out! We did some running, hula hooping, soccer ball heading, tight rope walking, step aerobics, and some other things. It's the first time since surgery I've really done anything other than walking, and I'm already feeling it. Pretty pathetic when I come to think about it.

I feel like I'm coming into a stall. I haven't lost but .8 over the past 2 or 3 days (I can't remember really which it is). I've really been pushing the fluids lately, I think that is a part of it. Our scale also tells the body fat % and the hydration %. My body fat # has dropped and hydration # has gone up.

Anyways, I didn't do a ton today--but it's a start!

Realization

2009-10-15T22:36:00.000-05:00

Today I finally began watching Season 8 of The Biggest Loser. Just haven't had time! While the boys napped I watched episode 1 and while Dan was studying I watched episode 2.

During the weigh-ins the females are in a sports bra and spandex shorts. Can't hide anything like that! I looked at one of the contestants and thought, "How do I weigh so much more than her? We look about the same? She must be a bit shorter." I looked it up on the website, she's only 2" shorter than me. That's not going to make a giant difference.

Then I realized...I WEIGH LESS THAN HER!!!! In my mind I'm still where I started. I probably weigh too often, so I see the new numbers plenty...but it hasn't sunk in yet. I guess I need to start recognizing who I am now and who I am becoming instead of who I used to be.

Must.....eat.....slowly

2009-10-15T18:43:00.001-05:00

Ugh.

Had some chicken tonight for dinner.

Threw some chicken up tonight.

I think when I sit down with everyone it's harder for me to eat slowly. I'm so used to scarfing food down then having to deal with the boys, it's a hard habit to break.

I think I ate too quickly, and maybe a little too much. Good thing is since my pouch doesn't create any juices it tastes the same coming up as it does going down. haha. Gross I know!

For lunch today (the boys were napping, yahoooo!), I'd take a bite then walk a lap around the house. Come back take another bite and do another lap.

I think part of my slow eating issue is temperature. As Dan will testify, I'm a bit nutty about food temps. We'll go out to eat and he'll ask how something is and usually instead of saying good/bad I'll say hot/cold. He's hassled me about this since we were first dating. Well now anything I eat won't be the right temperature by the time I'm done!

*sigh* one of these days (soon I hope) I'll learn and get it all down pat!

25% down!

2009-10-15T08:10:00.000-05:00

As of this morning, I have lost 25% of what I need to lose to get to "goal."

I've said it before, but I'm not going to let a goal just be a number. When I say my goal, for now I'm talking about a weight that I used to be happy with. But I've gotten older and 2 kids have wrecked havoc on me so who knows what it'll actually end up being.

I'm losing right about a pound per day right now. I know I'll probably hit a stall soon which is going to be disappointing, hopefully it won't last too long!

Pita pizza

2009-10-12T13:18:00.000-05:00

I usually do all the grocery shopping at the commissary. A few days ago I needed to pick up a few thing they didn't have (like Fage Greek yogurt) so I went to Publix. The boys were with me and it was lunch time. We swung by the bakery so they could get their free cookie then on to the deli. They were putting out fresh chicken tenders so we got a few. I ate a few bites of one and the boys devoured some (once they cooled down, which took a while). While we were over there I spotted mini pitas. I decided to get a bag. When I did Weight Watchers one of my fave things to eat was a pita stuffed with pizza sauce and mozzarella. Or sometimes the sauce and cheese went on top. Then bake it about 10 min and you have deliciousness! I thought the boys might like the mini pitas and it would be an easy lunch for them. Today I decided to make one for myself. It was yummy! Cold by the time I finished since I'm supposed to take 20 min to eat a meal, but still great. It was also nice to be able to finish everything on my plate! Even though I measure food out to what I should be eating a lot of times I can't finish. Being able to finish, even though it was a small amount, felt good.

And the scale says........ -30! I know it'll slow down or stall soon, but this is going to great while it lasts!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

BBQ Bliss

2009-10-08T18:27:00.000-05:00

I heart BBQ.

Good BBQ that is.

I'm talking fall off the bone in awesome sauce BBQ. Sonny's BBQ. Famous Dave's BBQ. None of that Carolina crap though! *gag*

Before WLS one of my "last meals" was at Sonny's BBQ. I savored every bite thinking the sauce would have way too much sugar in it. Later I realized we have some jars of Sonny's sauce at home, so I checked out the nutrition labels.

SCORE!!!!

The mild sauce has only 4g sugar in a 2 Tbl serving.

Today for lunch I had some deli meat dipped in a little of the sauce. Right now I'm enjoying a baked chicken breast covered in sauce. Err, make that 1/4 of a breast. I'm typing this while eating so I don't eat so fast!

I'm so glad I can still have BBQ. Maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel...

That wasn't fun :(

2009-10-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

***gross alert! Don't read if you're easily grossed out***

I just experienced my 1st post-op puke. I think I ate lunch too fast. Still trying to get into the slow eating routine. I started to not feel well so I lay down. My chest was tight, almost like a weird kind of heart burn. Then my mouth was just filling with saliva. Before I knew it I was throwing up. I swear my kids threw up more at a time when they were infants and had GERD! It was such a tiny amount. At the end there was a litte blood. So I called the dr office just to see what they said. I talked to a nurse and she said not to worry about it unless it happens again. I thought that would be the case but wanted to make sure. I'm going to rest now, gnight!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tough Day

2009-10-06T20:21:00.000-05:00

L1 has been sick for a while and has had contact with 2 cases of confirmed H1N1 (1 at school, 1 in soccer). So I decided to take him in today.

What I anticipated being a 30min visit turned into a several hour one. Tests, x-rays, and a slew of medications. Sixth Disease, asthma, eczema (which we knew about, just rare it flares up), respiratory infection, and on and on it seemed. It was after noon by the time we got out of there. L1 was AWESOME during everything. We haven't been going to fast food places much the past month or 2, but I decided since he handled everything like such a champ I'd treat him to lunch. He actually picked Burger King over McD's! Shocking for him. It was SO hard not to order myself a giant Coke, burger, and fries. Then sitting waiting on his food the smells just flowed from the restaurant into my car.

We came home and had a long afternoon getting set up with new meds and machines for L1. He didn't nap, too hyper from the drugs. There was a fire safety night going on so we decided to walk over to the park and check it out. The boys had a BLAST! Came home super sweaty and with lots of goodies. This is where my other challenge of the day was. There was free food. Hotdogs, burgers, and sodas. Nothing I can have. It smelled so good. Heck, I think most things smell good to me now. Just knowing I can't have them in a way makes me want them so much more.

I feel better now though. We just put the boys to bed and L1 asked me to stay with him a few minutes. L1 told me I was getting very small. I asked what he meant. He said "you ate and got a lot of weight. Now the weight is just leaving you. I don't know how, but it is." My 3 year old sees a difference already, that certainly put a smile on my face!!!

(If you want to read more about L1's ordeal I recently started a new family blog http://www.talkinaboutmyboys.blogspot.com/ )

Freedom!!!

2009-10-05T17:38:00.001-05:00

I was freed today!!!!

Ok, well....I drove. They told me as soon as I was off of pain meds I could drive, so technically I believe it was last Weds the last time I had any. I headed to Kmart (kidless!) to check out their toy clearance, they are doing the 50% off clearance prices again. A few months ago I got some awesome deals and L1 is set for Christmas and his bday minus a few stocking stuffers. L2 still needs some things from us though. Anyways, it was so nice to be out and about again. I stopped at CVS on the way home and picked up more meds for L1 to help fight off this bug. No fever yet, just a nasty cough and sore throat. Still crossing my fingers it doesn't hit me!

Off to find something to eat for dinner. Protein anyone?

Old Posts

2009-10-05T10:39:00.000-05:00

For some reason I am unable to copy/paste my posts from the original blog to this one...so here are the links to the old posts. These are the ones I feel are the most informative/important. Of course you can still read all the other by navigating the blog.

1st post/explanation of name and my journey so far

A little education about RNY

My coming out

Q&A session

Pre-op class

That should get anyone caught up to speed up unto the start of this blog.

Monday 10.05.09

2009-10-05T10:21:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I will be 2 weeks post-op!

I am feeling a little better everyday. Instead of wanting to sleep constantly, I can't even sleep when I want to--go figure.

The scale numbers continue to dwindle. I meant to take measurements of myself before surgery but never did. I think I will tomorrow and just mark them down as being 2 weeks out. Then remeasure in a month. Then maybe I'll be able to tell more of a difference than just looking in the mirror.

I'm so fortunate that we have Tricare insurance! Last night I was curious to see if my hospital claim had been sumbitted and what the amount was for. All of that information is available through my account with them online. The claim had been submitted (and paid)--grand total for the surgery/hospital stay was $41,180.00. *gulp* Thank goodness we don't have to pay a cent of it! It's amazing how little Tricare actually pays out though. For that bill they paid $7,382.51. Then there are other instances when for a Dr visit it might be $190 and they pay $113 so it's not too far off.

L1 is pretty sick and I've been hoping not to catch it, but yesterday I had a touch of fever so who knows where it could be leading. Today I feel fine though. He's home from school today so hopefully some lazy time and good rest can knock it out.

Saturday L2 fell onto the train table and cut his armpit somehow. He was crying/screaming and running to me so I did what moms do, I picked him up. Ouch! The Dr told me at my 1 wks appt I could pick him up. Said it wouldn't hurt anything the Dr did, just might hurt me. Yep, it did! I'd picked him up before but it was usually when I was sitting so just pulled him up onto my lap or he was passed off to me from someone else holding him.

The nerves are beginning to come back to life it seems. I feel as though my left side is getting stung by a bee a lot. I've been using an ice pack sometimes to help it feel better.

Scale is at -24lbs!

1st trip out and 1st post-op appointment!

2009-10-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

Today was a busy day. Well, it doesn't sound busy--but for me it was!

The morning began with a trip to Tar-jay. I haven't been out in civilization for a while! ha! It was fun...then it was just down right frustrating. The main purpose of the trip was not only to get out of the house for a bit, but to get a few new Halloween decorations. The boys picked out a dancing/singing ghost {rather annoying I must insert here}, a few sheets of window clings, and a light up flag for outside. We also managed to come up with a Bumblebee costume (Transformers character) for Landon. I felt fine walking around. It was the most walking I've done since the surgery. As we were leaving the Halloween section, we ran into the aisles and aisles full of candy. Then the other food. The soda. It really was a bit overwhelming for me to be in there. I just looked and felt like I was surrounded by things that I CAN'T have. Well, I can...if I then want to run to the bathroom and feel awful for a while! The aisle full of Coke was so tempting. Just 1 sip. I wanted one so bad. The first time I've craved it and really missed not having it. Even though Dan has drank soda around me, it wasn't my kind, so it didn't bother me. Then all the Halloween candy (and candy in general). Made me miss the days of sitting on the couch with Nina in Cape Cod. We'd have a huge bowl of candy and snack our way through it...while watching The Biggest Loser on TV! It really was tough being in there, and I know grocery shopping will be tough at first too. Heck, it was even as a pre-op. I'd keep thinking of the things I wouldn't be able to have. But now it's a reality. Target has a neat thing that I recently discovered. If the kids are in the cart and buckled when they come through check-out, they will give them a special sticker. Then go to the food part and they can get a free cookie or popcorn! My boys always pick the popcorn though, yay! So we were up there a few minutes and I saw the Pizza Hut personal pizzas, cookies, ICEEs, etc just starting at me. I know I made the right choice to have surgery, and I chose the one I did because I can't cheat, but gosh that trip to Target really made me want to be able to cheat or go back! I know I'll get over that bump though.

We made it home and I tried to take a snooze, but the new ghost in our house made it impossible. At least the boys love to dance to it. Soon it was time to head to Pensacola to Dr Friedman's office. Their scale agreed with mine, down 17 pounds since surgery! Which means I'm down 21 total! I see the numbers, but it almost doesn't seem real. I still feel the same. I think I pretty much look the same. My clothes still fit the same. That loss has happened so fast it almost doesn't seem real. I'm thinking that maybe once I have to size down in clothing it'll begin to sink in--and I can't wait until then!

Dr said everything is looking good. My incisions are healing nicely and quickly, but usually my boo-boos do. I was given permission to lift Logan. They way they put it was it won't hurt anything the Dr did, but it might hurt me! I don't think I'm quite ready to give it a try. I'm still feeling a bit sore on my left side and don't want to pull anything anymore than it already feels like is happening. Mom went with me while Dan stayed at home with the boys. She had several questions and I think she feels a lot better now she talked to them and has some things cleared up. On the way home we stopped at Max Muscle and picked up a few more RTD OhYeah!s.

We also picked up dinner on the way home. Pizza! And yes, I ate it. Did I just hear you all gasp in unison!? Well...part of it I did. I had some of the cheese (ordered x-tra cheese so it was thick) and sausage off the top. Landon helped out and ate 3 slices on his own! And once I thought this surgery was going to lower my grocery bill, looks like he won't be letting that happen!

Now this day is coming to an end and I'm glad. I actually feel worn out whereas the past few days I was wired and couldn't sleep.

Grazing head hunger

2009-10-01T00:04:00.001-05:00

I think a big part of what got me to be "morbidly obese" {yikes, did I really just write that about ME?!?} is the grazing. The eating when not hungry. The eatinv when bored. The kind of eating you do without thinking about it. Just a few minutes ago i found myself in font of an open frige. "hmm...maybe I should try some of that chicken noodle soup I made. Or go for that jell-o, afterall it does have the tasteless protein powder mixed in and I could use more protein for the day. Ugh no. I don't need to eat, I'm not hungry!" then I walked away *pats self on back*

At night, once the munchkins are snug in bed, the hubs and I usually take a seat on the couch. No matter if dinner was 1hr or 4hrs prior, we'd both make a stop in the pantry or frige for a snack first. Then turn on the TV, and thanks to the wonderful world of DVRs, be able to watch our favorite shows...snack in hand. No, we weren't hungry. We didn't need food. But we did it anyways. And it's a hard habit to break. Maybe tomorrow I'll grab my protein shake instead.

My biggest battle has always been the night time. I can diet well all day, then come night time forget it. 'Please pass the cookies! What...we are out? I'll make some new ones then!' Its ridiculous really. I know the nights will continue to be my battle. See, during the day I can do something else. Take the kids outside, run errands, etc. But at night I'm stuck in the house.

So how can I reverse this behavior?

Self control is going to be the biggest factor. Getting the hubs on board will be another help. And with weigh-ins the end of Oct he could use some help in that area too ;) I also think I'm going to start getting to bed earlier. It's rare the boys sleep past 6, 6:30 on lucky days. I don't get enough sleep when I'm not hitting the sheets until midnight or later. If I'm not awake, I can't eat! Well, I have been known to sleep walk a few times...but that was like 18 yrs ago or so!

And with that, I'm off to dream land. Hopefully it'll be dreams of the scale numbers continuing to drop off. -17 as of tonight!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday

2009-09-30T22:22:00.000-05:00

Yay, the laptop has life again! The new hard drive came and it's up and running smoothly.

Tomorrow is my 1 week follow up with Dr Friedman. My scale at home says I'm down 17lbs. Yahoo! I know it'll slow down soon, but it's still amazing to check out the scale drop constantly.

I haven't felt well today though. Apparently it's my nerve endings coming back to life and connecting. Sometimes this lasts a few days, sometimes a few weeks. I'm hoping it's shorter of course!

Really not much to report on tonight, but felt like writing from ole' Betsy. Wait, who am I kidding...the laptop doesn't have a name.

Wow, there really is an app for everything

2009-09-29T22:14:00.001-05:00

I found a Blogger iPhone app! That means that even though I'm in bed I can still blog. Yes, I know, those of you who know me probably just had to pick up your chin from the floor after learning that at 10pm I'm in bed!

Tonight I went to girls night (and brought my mama along!). I only stayed about an hour before I started feeling crummy and decided it was time to go. It was fun to see the girls again though! Hopefully next week I'll be more up to it. Baby steps :)

That's all for now, I really wanted to test this app!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ups and Downs

2009-09-29T10:34:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm feeling pretty positive about my choice to have this surgery.

The past week though, not always.

There were a few days I regretted it. I hurt, was tired, just didn't feel well. I told the hubs he shouldn't have let me do it.

Now I'm feeling more energetic and all over in a better place. I can get out of bed in the mornings (err, or after a nap lol) without needing someone to help me up. I feel well enough to go in the kitchen and fix myself something to eat. Not that I'm hungry, but know I need to eat.

So many people talk about "buyers remorse" with this surgery. I'm glad I had heard about it ahead of time so I didn't think I was totally off my rocker when those feelings hit me.

Things like sipping, not drinking with meals, counting protein, etc are beginning to be natural. Sure it's still tough at times, I think the hardest is not drinking while eating. I've always been one to drink a lot when I eat.

Right now I'm losing at an awesome rate. I know it won't keep up, but it is fun to see that every time I step on the scale the numbers are lower. Heck over night last night I lost a pound! I think I'm already beginning to see a little change in myself too, in my face. But maybe that's just my imagination lol.

This time last week I was in recovery. Seems like the past week has gone so fast...and so s.l.o.w. at the same time. I'm beginning to feel a little stir crazy being in the house. Tuesday night is typically girl's night and I'm hoping to feel up to going. But Landon also has a soccer game tonight (where Daddy will be the coach!) so that might wipe me out.

There are also the ups and downs when it comes to food. I never realized before how much our society revolves around food. I was looking through TIME magazine the other day and it seemed like every other page had a big picture of food. Most of the ads on TV are for food. Or maybe that's just how it seems to me now. There have been a few times where I thought, "man, that sounds so good, I want some!" Even though I'm not hungry. Which I think it what got me to the point I was at, something sounded/looked good so I ate it--hungry or not. For the most part though food hasn't been a big obstacle, yet. I'm sure as I get to feeling better and more "normal" it'll be though. It's also surprising how many WLS friendly recipes there are out there! Pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving? No problem! It'll be interesting to try all these new things. Also not only for me but as healthier options for my family.

Like I said, right now I feel good about my decision. Just hope this feeling keeps up!

What I recall from the past week

2009-09-28T19:40:00.001-05:00

Wow, a week ago tomorrow was my big day. I wish I could have written sooner. In the hospital I tried, but my laptop was kaput. Turns out the hard drive is dead. A new one should be here Wednesday or Thursday. Then I got home and had the logging on issues. *sigh* Guess it just wasn't meant to be. So I'll write about what I remember from the beginning.

My mom got in Monday afternoon. L1 had a soccer game shortly after she got to town. It was a whirl-wind evening and I didn't have much time to go a lot of thinking about the next day, which was a good thing for me. I tend to over analyze and it just never goes anywhere good. That night I packed for the hospital. A few pairs of big t-shirts, comfy pants, and toiletries. Also my laptop, a book, and a movie to watch.

I went to bed fairly easy that night. Dan set his alarm for 4am, we needed to leave shortly before 5. Before I knew it the alarm was going off. I didn't want to get out of bed. Usually when something big is happening as soon as the alarm rings, if not before, I'm out of bed and going 100 miles a minute. I did a few last minute things around the house, got dressed, and went into the boys room to check on them one last time.

Then we were off to the hospital. Everything seems like such a blur looking back on it now. We got there right at 5:30 (when we were supposed to) and were taken to a room. I was put in a giant gown and we hung out for a while. Surfed TV, but not much of anything decent is on at that hour. Here the time seemed to creep forward. Finally right at 6:30 2 nurses came in, and they were in a hurry. Started apologizing to me and saying it wasn't my fault. They said they wanted to get the other Dr's patient prepped first because he's meaner haha. Then they called up pre-op and said they could come get me but I didn't have an IV yet but could have me if they wanted me. They left the room, and dangit I started tearing up. It was a big guy who came to take me to pre-op and he gave me crap about tears already. Before I knew it, it was time to tell Dan goodbye. Then I went into the pre-op area. There were 4 other patients in there (including the 1 of the not nice Dr). I had to answer a lot of questions, they put in my IV, Dr. Friedman came to check on me. We discussed a few things and soon I was being rolled into the OR. I remember going down the hallway and just being hit with the frigid air. Also I was joking around and laughing with everyone in the OR. Didn't want them to think I was some witch when I was about to be in their hands! They then put on the mask and I don't remember anything else.

Dan said someone came to talk to him a few times during surgery and also while I was in recovery. Everything went fine, Dr. F later told me I was an easy text book case.

My first memory is being on a bed rolling down the hall. I wanted to smack the people taking me to wherever it was. All I could think of was when my mom was in the hospital back in 1994 and they had to move her around to a different hospital and she complained they were so rough with her and didn't seem to care. I felt my insides aching as we went over every little bump.

Next thing I know I'm in the room. I remember seeing Dan walk in. I remember seeing a few nurses and people from the Dr's office come in (it's in the hospital and they came up several times to check on me). But for the most part, I was out of it. I know they tried to get me up but then commented I was too out of it and we'd try later.

I believe it was night the first time I actually got out of bed. I had a lot of nausea. Especially every time I'd sit up, it would just slam into me. I only got sick once though. Well, dry-heaving since there wasn't anything in my stomach. They kept me drugged up well. I think the nausea meds also knocked me out more. I did 2 walks that first day/night.

I wanted ice chips so bad. My throat was sore from having a tube down it during surgery. My lips were dry, and I'd forgotten my lip balm on the counter at home. But they said no ice chips. Humph. I was ready for the next morning to come to have my Upper GI. They do that to do there isn't a leak in the pouch. Once you pass, then you can have something to drink.

They came and got me in a wheel chair. Again every.little.bump on the way had me hurting. I had to stand on a board and they tilted it to where I was flat and then back up. I also had to take drinks of this nasty stuff as they watched it go down. I was afraid to take too big of sips, since we're stressed so often the rule is 1oz every 5 min. The 2nd sip they didn't think was going to be enough but turns out it was fine. *phew* I was bumped back to my room and given the ok to start clear liquids again, yay!

Wednesday was still a foggy day. I slept a lot. They took the catheter out, so I had to get up to the bathroom. The bed's bottom would drop and it looked almost like a chair. I just needed Dan's hand to get all the way up. We did more walking that day. Mom and the boys came up for a quick visit, also brought Dan some clean clothes. He hadn't intended on staying but the first night and ended up staying every night. Would have been so much more difficult without him and I'm so glad he was willing and able to stay with me there! I think it was Weds night that they put in a new IV. The first one was in my left hand and came out. The new one was in my right forearm, annoyed me having the tubes go across me, but it worked just fine.

Thursday Dr. F. came in (he came in at least 2 times every day that I was there) and said I could go home or wait another day if I wanted. I really couldn't imagine going home at that point! I was still hurting pretty bad and wasn't sure how the boys would do. So I opted to stay. Eventually they took out my JP drain and that helped the pain some. Dan was shocked at how much tubing they pulled out of me. I couldn't see (well, they told me to turn my head and look away)--but he says it was at least the same amount you could see on the outside, which was a good 2-2.5 feet worth.

The nights were the hardest for me in the hospital. Not sure why, but my pain was worse. There were a few times the nurses weren't always on top of the ball either. I'd ask for my pain meds (after I was off the pump) and it might take them 45 min or an hour to get to me, even with calling more than once and knowing they weren't busy.

Friday came and I knew it was time to go home. I was still feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Dr. F. came by and told me I could stay another day if I wanted that he wasn't going to kick me out, but I said no it was time to go. Next thing I knew we had signed discharge papers and we were ready to go. Well, almost. Remember that bag I packed? I stayed in the hospital gown the entire time. I used my toothbrush/toothpaste and that was about it. I couldn't take a shower while there and felt so gross, I think that was one of my deciding reasons to go on home lol. I put on some clothes, I think I even skipped the bra, and off we went into the sunset happily ever after. Ok, ok...so off we went in my car back to lovely Milton.

I was greeted by a huge sign on the garage door welcoming me (and daddy) home. L1 and G had also planted flowers while I was gone and there was a sign on the front door about that. L1 was at school, L2 and G were just heading out when we got home. So I went ahead and showered. I needed it, badly. I was worried how I'd do taking one, so made sure Dan stayed close by in case I needed him. I then got settled in bed and soon L1 was home from school. Oh, they had also made a sign and put it on my bed. I love those boys! The rest of Friday is a little dull. I think I slept for a while and went to bed early. L1 seemed almost scared of me, L2 was just happy Mommy was home but got upset when I wouldn't pick him up. We put a pillow in my lap and let him sit with me which he was content with.

Friday night I was up a few times during the night. I was still doing pain meds every 4hrs (the soonest allowed) and not feeling well.

Saturday was rough. I know Dan and Mom had the best intentions, but it frustrated me when they were making me get up or telling me I needed to drink, take meds, more protein, etc. I still didn't feel well and just wasn't in the mood. I think all people will tell you that with new post-ops there is pretty much no way you'll get in those 60 oz of fluids and 60 grams of protein. But I guess I can't blame them for trying and just wanting the best for me.

Sunday I was beginning to feel a little better. Today (Monday) has gotten a little better from yesterday. I'm still resting a bit, but not as much as I was. I'm doing better at my sip, sip, sipping and walk, walk, walking. I'm amazed at how much just taking a shower drains me of energy.

I'm still in a lot of pain. It's frustrating because so many people told me this would be easy after having 2 c-sections. And since I bounced back from those like a champ, I figured this would be the same. I'm not sure if it was being put under general or what, but I certainly haven't bounced back as fast as I anticipated. Mom was going to go home Sunday, then Tuesday, and now it looks like she's going to stay until Friday (she wants to go to my Dr appt on Thurs with me). I'm so thankful that she was able to come up and stay for so long. She's been such a tremendous help with the boys and I'm not sure how it would have worked without her here! I'm still taking my pain meds somewhat regularly. I might go 5, 6, or 7 hours in between doses now instead of waiting for the clock to hit 4hrs as before. I can't wait until I can sleep on my side again, I'm getting annoyed with sleeping on my back! I can finally get myself out of bed pretty well on my own now instead of sending Dan a text asking for help and having him come back to our room to help me up. I also made myself breakfast this morning. Scrambled egg, a whopping 2 Tablespoons worth! L2 finished what I didn't.

It is weird getting used to these portion sizes. Esp when even the little ones eat so much more than I can. But I'm getting a hang of it. I think I had my first dumping experience yesterday, from some yogurt that was on the "safe" list. It wasn't horrible, but certainly wasn't pleasant either. I also only had 2 tiny spoonfuls so it's not like there was a ton.

I'm pretty wiped out right now so am going to sign off for now. I didn't proof-read this, so don't get your panties bent out of shape if I spelled something wrong or it just doesn't quite make since :) I'll try to post more frequently now that I have a new blog up. It'll be easier to once the new HD for the laptop comes too!

Thank you to everyone for all the support. I got so many flowers, calls, emails, etc it just really means so much to me to have an awesome team behind me.

Oh, and as of this morning...[drum roll please]...I'm down 10lbs since surgery day! Woot woot!

Frustrations

2009-09-28T17:48:00.001-05:00

I'm back, sort of.

Basically Google (people who run Blogger) decided to screw me over. I have 2 accounts. one is first.last one is firstlast. The firstlast is the one my Shrinking Machine blog was under. I am no longer able to log in to that account. Even when resetting the PW it resets it for my usual account. I've tried everything, different computers, clearing stuff out, etc to no avail. So I'm throwing up my hands and starting over.

Right now I don't have the energy to copy everything over from the other blog, it'll be there forever though since I can't log in to do anything about it. http://shrinkingmachine.blogspot.com/ So there it is if you want to look back at anything.